There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
