Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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