Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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