mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
