ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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