what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
