I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
