there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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