I could make wine with my vomit
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
