My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm like, not good at living.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
