Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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