so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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