Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
