It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
