So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
