what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize