So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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