Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
