I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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