A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i love accidental penises.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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