my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
