what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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