So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
