I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
