dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Terrible idea I love it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
