I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
