She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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