Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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