2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
