just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize