the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
