Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
