P.S. I can't hear my feet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
