Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
