ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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