I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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