just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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