I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
