Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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