his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
