New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
