Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
