Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
