conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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