Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
