Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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