Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
