you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
