My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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