On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i have two assholes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
