and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
