we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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