just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
