Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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