Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
