The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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