peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
