i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
