How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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