Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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