I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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