Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
