AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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