i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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