watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
