Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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