I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
