no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
