I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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