lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
