Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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