I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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