Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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